I have blogged before about my a love-hate relationship with Facebook. At its best, it is a great way to keep in touch with people and see what everyone is up to. However, the downside is that Facebook presents us with a biased and filtered view of the world. This is partly because we have a tendency to present ourselves the way we wish to be seen, rather than the way things are. Our friends are having non-stop fun, their babies never cry, they globe-trot to exotic locations, they bump into celebrities, they always have funny and insightful things to say, etc… This is why a good friend of mine calls it “Fakebook”.

It seems to me that in the early days of Facebook (way back in the mid to late 2000’s) people were more “real”. They were less concerned about their online image, and much more open. In fact, if you’ve had an account for more than a few years, it can be very interesting to use the timeline feature to see what sorts of things you were writing publicly on your friends’ walls a few years ago.

In general, spending too much time on Facebook is not great for your mental health. This blog is about how can we prevent Facebook from having a negative impact on our mental lives, and maybe even lead to increased happiness. I’ve included a few tips below, and would be happy to hear of any other ideas.

 

Tip 1. Moderation

The first tip is obvious but important: don’t spend too much time on Facebook. As with pretty much anything, excessive use leads to trouble. How much is too much? Well, that depends on the individual, I set myself daily limits, but I would say that you shouldn’t spend more than a few hours a week on the site. The tricky part is cutting back, because sometimes we head to the site as an unconscious reflex whenever we have a free minute. I’ve found the following helps limit my usage:

  • I’ve turned off all the notifications that are sent to email/my phone
  • I try not use it in social situations
  • I make a point of leaving my smartphone at home when I truly want to relax

If this is proving difficult, one way is to use the Chrome browser and install the StayFocused plugin.

 

Tip 2: Limit updates from certain people

Sometimes we have connections on Facebook with people who we are not that close to, and for one reason or another they do not have a positive impact on our happiness. It is important to make sure that updates from these people do not come up in your news feed (use the “unsubscribe” option).

 

Tip 3. Don’t rely on Facebook for updates from important people in your life

 

My sister is due to have her third baby around Christmas. Obviously, I want to know everything there is to know about how things are going for her. However, I miss lots of her Facebook updates because they don’t always appear in my feed. This is because an algorithm somewhere is deciding which posts to show me, and which ones to skip. Take a moment to think about this. Given that over a billion people use Facebook, this algorithm has incredible power and influence over the flow of information in the world. Always keep in mind that you may miss important updates, and that there is no replacements for old fashioned phone calls and catch-ups.

 

Tip 4. At the end of each year, use the timeline to find highlights from each month

My husband and I have a tradition that we’ve kept alive since we first met in 2006. Sometime between Christmas and New Years we create a calendar to use for the upcoming year. For each month of the new year we select a “happiness highlight” photo from the same month of the previous year. For example, here is the June 2009 photo, which we took when we went hiking in Greenland in June 2008:

Not all photos have to be from significant events; sometimes we can have very fond memories of normal day-to-day activities. Our only rule is to pick photos that make us happy.

What does this have to do with Facebook? Well, it used to be very long process for us to gather all the photos from the previous year and arrange them by date. However, Facebook’s Timeline feature now does this for us. Many photos end up on Facebook these days, and as I said earlier, there is already a bias towards highlights. Therefore, it is a perfect way to review the past year, and pick out some great photos. In fact, customized calendars, cups, mouse pads  or whatever are great Christmas presents.

My husband and I always get our calendar printed, and it serves as a great memory of each year. However, even if you don’t print a calendar, it is still a good idea to make the most of Facebook’s record of our lives. Think about the times when you were happiest. What do they have in common? Facebook allows us to take an empirical look at ourselves, and we can use this information to make positive changes. So, to answer the original question “can Facebook make you happy?”. I would say yes, if you use it wisely.

 

fdh

 

Fjola  Helgadottir, PhD, MClinPsych, is a clinical psychologist, a senior research clinician at the University of Oxford, and is a co-creator of AI-Therapy.com, an online CBT treatment program for overcoming social anxiety

 

“Fear of failure prevents us from making progress”
– Garry Kasparov, Oxford Union, 9th of November 2012

fear of failure

Last night I went to a debate at the Oxford Union on the subject “Is the current growth crisis a result of decades of technological stagnation in a risk-averse society?”. One of the speakers was Garry Kasparov, who is famous for political activism and for being one of the greatest chess players of all time. In a 2003 chess match he tied IBM’s Deep Junior (after loosing to Deep Blue in 1997), a machine capable of evaluating 3 million chess positions in 1 second. Given Kasparov’s amazing mind, I felt that it was worth listening to what he had to say.

It was a fascinating debate, and both sides made some excellent points. Garry was on the “Aye” side, and argued that today’s technological advances are slower and less impressive than those of previous generations. In particular, he talked about the great achievements of the cold war era in the 50s and 60s. He pointed out that many of today’s “modern” technologies (e.g. the internet) are a direct result of research performed during this time. He closed with a comment along the lines of “the iPhone 5 is nothing compared to Apollo 5”.

 

Fear of failure prevents people from taking risks, yet taking risks is necessary for progress

One of the topics that was discussed was the reasons why a society ceases to innovate. Garry offered an explanation quoted at the top of this blog – fear of failure prevents people from taking risks, yet taking risks is necessary for progress. This is undoubtedly true, as most breakthroughs are preceded by countless failures.

Garry was talking about societies as a whole, and the risk aversion of government funding bodies and large corporations. However, the same can be said about us as individuals, and I think it has consequences for mental health. For example, consider social anxiety. Risk aversion is one of the reasons that social anxiety doesn’t just go away without evidence based treatments. Social anxiety exaggerates the cost from being wrong, leading to risk aversion. However, treating social anxiety involves challenging your fears and stepping outside your comfort zone. It is worth mentioning that it is well established in psychology that we tend to overestimate risks and the negative consequences of failure.

Returning back to the original talk, Garry was making the point that if our societies are willing to undertake daring challenges, there can be wide ranging positive impacts outside of the original goals (he used the US space program of the 50’s as an example). I would argue that the same holds true for us as individuals. While the speakers were mainly concerned with economic growth, many of their arguments are applicable to psychological growth: overcoming our fear of failure can lead us to healthier and more fulfilling lives.

 

fdh

 

Fjola  Helgadottir, PhD, MClinPsych, is a clinical psychologist, a senior research clinician at the University of Oxford, and is a co-creator of AI-Therapy.com, an online CBT treatment program for overcoming social anxiety

 

Dear AI-Therapy blog readers,

I would like to thank you for helping us getting the word out there. Some highlights from our first few months:

  • We have now had 18,146 page views
  • Some of our early customers have successfully reached the end of the program
  • We are continuing to see outstanding results for those who complete all 7 modules of AI-Therapy

One of the reasons the blog hasn’t had many posts in that last few weeks is that I’ve been busy travelling. I attended the Australian Association for Cognitive and Behaviour Therapy (AACBT) conference in Queensland, and was very impressed with the quality of the scientific program. Furthermore, the keynote speeches were fantastic. Personal highlights were Ross Menzies (AI-Therapy co-founder), Leane Hides (president of AACBT) and Matt Sanders (Triple P Parenting program). It is great to see the how Australian commitment to CBT is continuing at full force.

While I was in Australia I got together with Ross Menzies, and had a very productive few days. We created a video that explains a bit more about AI-Therapy, including its history and how it works. A 3 minute video can be viewed here, for best quality you can make it full screen and put the quality to HD 1080p.

Ross and I also did some planning for the future of AI-Therapy, and I’m happy to say that there are some exciting plans in the works. In particular, we’ve started laying the groundwork for new treatment programs, including obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) and generalised anxiety disorder (GAD).

AI-Therapy has recently been featured in the Icelandic media: “AI-Therapy is not trying to cut out psychologists, rather reach a wider audience“. For non-Icelandic readers, Google Chrome’s translation tool does a pretty good job of getting the main message across.

Autumn wishes from Oxford,

Oxford Autumn Nov 2012
Autumn colours at the Warneford Hospital bus stop.

 

fdh

 

Fjola  Helgadottir, PhD, MClinPsych, is a clinical psychologist, a senior research clinician at the University of Oxford, and is a co-creator of AI-Therapy.com, an online CBT treatment program for overcoming social anxiety